I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We got so high we made milksteak
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
