Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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