Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
