I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All the doctor said was why
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