I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
