I just pynch a tree in the face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
