just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
