i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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