fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
