Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
