I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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