you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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