I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
