This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
