the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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