Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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