Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
