sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
