Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
