Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
