I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
