Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
