Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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