Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
