im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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