It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
