Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
as a side note pls kill me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize