I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
