am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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