my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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