i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
