dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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