Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize