I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
