it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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