Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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