Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
