how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
