Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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