I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
These tits shall not be calmed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
