She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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