apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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