I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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