Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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