No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I did not marry a roomba.
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