where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
