It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
