Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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