Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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