Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
