We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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