Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
