flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
