Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Randomize
