I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
