I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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