eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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