Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
