if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
