2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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