Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
