Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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