We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
