U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
