If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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