he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
