Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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