Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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