Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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