I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there's paper in my vomit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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