genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
