I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
