so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
