I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
