Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
