We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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