Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
