Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
